Valentine's Schmalentine's

Don’t get me wrong—deep down inside I’m a romantic at heart. I have a treasured box of every card and letter my husband has given me packed away somewhere in our basement. I swoon when offered dark chocolate of any kind, although I prefer Belgian. Hallmark commercials often bring me to tears.

I just have a problem with this upcoming holiday that insists we be romantic. Commands us to empty our wallets on overpriced, will-wilt-too-soon roses. Demands us
to shower our loved ones with gifts when we only did so six weeks ago over that politically name-challenged season. Yes, that one we’re seeing debit creditors for.

I don’t need a date on a calendar to remind me when I
should profess my love to my betrothed. Isn’t that what
spontaneity and surprises are all about? Like when my
husband fills my car up with gas when snow is
forecasted or when I leave an “I love you” sticky note on
his dashboard.

As a child, I remember making creative valentines out of
doilies and collecting them in paper sacks to bring
home. My girlfriends and I enjoyed reading all the sweet
sayings on those chalky conversation hearts. Simple
sentiments like “You’re Cute”, “Be Mine” and “ Kiss Me. ”
And who could forget red hots?!

Show up with a doily and a 39-cent box of hearts today
and you’re in trouble according to the way Valentine’s
Day should be embraced by societal standards.
Showering your sweetie requires you declare bankruptcy if you haven't
already lost your home.

In case you're out of the loop, the Valentine’s
buck doesn’t end with your significant other either. There are
dollars to shell out for your co-workers, friends,
neighbors, and why not include the local grocery clerk
and the Pizza Hut delivery man while we’re at it?

If I want to contribute to the estimated $14.7 billion consumers
are expected to spend (what bad economy?!) this year, I should adhere to this week's Target ad and prove my love to my hubby with a $200 heated massaging cushion; he should indulge me with a pink (of course) hand mixer at $70. I should spring for an Apple 1GB Shuffle at the bargain price of $49.99 for my two kids. Mind you they're seven and four.

Let’s see that only sets back a family of four to
$370 before one adds the already wilted roses and chocolates.
Suppose we’ll be eating Top Ramen during the month of St.
Valentine.

And if that’s not enough, how about the daily ads in my
paper boldly proclaiming “Surprise your sweetie with
Botox or Restylane injections” and “Lipo your love
handles.” Even though I’ve had two kids, I’m not falling
for the $100 off liposuction coupon either. Who knew all
I needed was an afternoon date with a needle or power
hose to get me feeling in the mood? Maybe I’ll surprise
my hubby with a year’s supply of Cialis. That should lift
his sagging spent spirits, don’t you think?

I’ll settle for the chalky hearts thank you.